I'm not an aggressive person. Most of the time. What I mean is, I don't strike out and hurt people deliberately in most circumstances, preferring to avoid conflict and confrontations.
I thought that was good enough, until my father told me otherwise. In brief, I had an argument with my sister last Saturday, which involved some pretty harsh name-calling and words. When I went back to Penang on Sunday, he did not reprimand me straight, but asked me why I acted that way. When I told him that my sister started it with a rude message, he agreed that my sister was at fault.
Sounds okay? Wait..
Then, he said I was also at fault, although I wasn't the one who started the argument, because I replied in an equally rude manner. According to him, I should have just kept my cool and be forgiving.
The point here is, I'm the type of person who will pay someone back 100 times if and when I'm offended. For example, take Babi and I. I dislike anything and everything related to him, and I often talk bad about him in front of others - name calling, insulting, and so on until everyone now knows him as Babi. It might be cruel, but I feel that I'm just taking revenge on everything he did since Reaching for the Stars until now.
To put it simply, I can't help retaliating when someone does something bad to me, and I don't care about the consequences, focusing on how to hurt the offender as much as possible. The above is just one example out of many. Maybe my father is right, and I would be a better person if I do not hurt others like they have hurt me.
Anyhow, there's a Chinese proverb that says, do not upon others something you wouldn't want people to do to you. If I don't like what that person has done to me, I probably should not do the same thing back to that person.
However, to achieve this, I would certainly need a lot of patience, kindness and develop the ability to forgive - that's a long way to go, and I'm not sure whether I should go that way. In the meantime, Babi is still Babi, and I still hate him and his moronic attitude.
*evil smirk*
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Friday, November 20, 2009
Holidays~~~
Yeay~ At the time of writing this post, our holidays have officially begun =D
Now, five weeks doesn't seem like long, but it does make you feel like it's eternity when you are home. One thing for sure, my father is going to cook lots and lots of delicious food for me when I get home on Sunday, and there's a possibility, no, make that a high one, that I will become rounder when I get back from the holidays.
Oh, and as I've warned Uncle Aqmal, Daddy Alip and Daddy Syafiq just now, I might forget how to converse in BM and English for the first few days after classes start once more, just because at home, I'm exposed to a fully Chinese environment except for the movies I watch and books I read ^_^
Some of the 'homework' I need to work on during the holidays (in case I forget):
- The Voice of IPBA magazine...layout and some articles
- Use more of my dear tablet and produce more graphic works
- Finish watching at least two animes from my huge pile of to-watch...especially Fruits Basket and Spiral: Suiri no Kizuna
- Buy the Nokia 5730 ExpressMusic model I have been aiming for a long time
- Buy a new external hard drive
- Read some books...educational ones and novels
- ......
Hmm...I guess that's all for now~
Now, five weeks doesn't seem like long, but it does make you feel like it's eternity when you are home. One thing for sure, my father is going to cook lots and lots of delicious food for me when I get home on Sunday, and there's a possibility, no, make that a high one, that I will become rounder when I get back from the holidays.
Oh, and as I've warned Uncle Aqmal, Daddy Alip and Daddy Syafiq just now, I might forget how to converse in BM and English for the first few days after classes start once more, just because at home, I'm exposed to a fully Chinese environment except for the movies I watch and books I read ^_^
Some of the 'homework' I need to work on during the holidays (in case I forget):
- The Voice of IPBA magazine...layout and some articles
- Use more of my dear tablet and produce more graphic works
- Finish watching at least two animes from my huge pile of to-watch...especially Fruits Basket and Spiral: Suiri no Kizuna
- Buy the Nokia 5730 ExpressMusic model I have been aiming for a long time
- Buy a new external hard drive
- Read some books...educational ones and novels
- ......
Hmm...I guess that's all for now~
Monday, November 16, 2009
Embrace our Differences? Or Forget Them?
Living in Malaysia, a multiracial community with a diverse culture, I have always seen propaganda that encourages us to forget our differences. Until now, I have accepted those advertisements, books and advice as something to follow in order to achieve harmony, tolerance and peace among our community. For example, prior and after the Independence Day celebration, there would be advertisements by several governmental and non-governmental organisations that promote us to be 'colour blind' and forget that differences exist between various races such as Malay, Chinese, Indians, Punjabi, and many more aboriginal races in Malaysia.
I've always thought that the concept they were propagating - "Forget our Differences" is a good way to narrow the gaps between the different races in Malaysia, for if we were really 'colour blind', we won't see a person as a Chinese, Malay or Indian, but we would see each other as Malaysians.
Until I came across this site ---
http://www.embracingourdifferences.org/
Come to think of it, the idea of embracing our differences makes more sense than to forget our differences. For me, to embrace means to accept our differences as something unavoidable, but we do not just tolerate the differences, we EMBRACE it and we perceive it as normal, that no two humans are identical, and realise the fact that we are not the only race, only group of humans or only type of people to live on this earth, but there are millions and millions of others who share some characteristics and differ from us in certain ways. And this, to me, is a miracle bestowed by nature, for all of us mankind are categorised as humans, as homo sapiens. Still, like how cats, dogs, hamsters, rabbits and more have different breeds, how computers and mobile phones have different models, how a delicious serving of curry can have such diverse flavours that stimulate our taste buds to the maximum, this is how we HUMANS have different types - many cultures, races, colours, lifestyles, habits, nationalities and so on.
I do care if you are black, white, yellow, red or even gray for that matter. I do look at you as Malays, Chinese and Indians. I do know that as people of different races, there are things which one can or cannot do.
What I don't do is deliberately manipulate the factors above to my own benefit. I don't use it as a weapon to hurt, to attack others. I don't highlight the differences as something bad, something people must avoid from mentioning because they are something sensitive.
And what I do, is to acknowledge that every one of us are special in our own ways, and as individuals, we should not forget that everyone is different from one another. And when I want to highlight the differences between people, I try to appreciate and show the diversity that exists as a part of our history and tradition, that makes us humans, and not robots who are identical to each other.
Let's say we literally follow the "Colour blind" concept a.k.a "Forget our differences" concept. What would happen is, we will be less considerate to the differences that exist between us, and when we are colour blind, we might become more shallow, seeing people as what we want them to be, instead of what they really are. We might forget that certain people cannot do what we do every day, certain people can't eat what we eat, certain people can't say things we say. And when we start to forget, we might cease to respect the differences that we have from each other. And when we stop respecting, conflicts and arguments occur, and this means the beginning of a breakdown of the peace we have fought so hard to maintain.
Maybe this concept is usable to a certain extent - if and only if the nation has only one kind of citizens with different colours, for the only difference that exist is only colours and nothing else.
BUT, in the Malaysian context, where there are so many differences between the citizens, not just race, but also background, status, culture, religion and more, forgetting our differences seems less applicable when compared to embracing our differences.
To my fellow Malaysians - a fine example of the 'forget our differences' propaganda would be in any of our assignments or essays or other works, where a sentence close to 'do not touch on sensitive issues such as race, religion or governmental policies' will be stated at the end of the instructions. Before anything, let me explain an analogy - remember a joke about ostriches? When they see a threat or something they do not like, they bury their heads into the sand and think that everything's fine. This is exactly what we are doing now - not allowing people to address the differences, instead demanding that people keep quiet. Let me put forward another analogy - if an alarm rings, and you cover your ears with a headphones and pretend that you hear nothing, you might forget that the people around you can still hear the bell. Read between the lines --- ISA for instance.
What I'm trying to say is, even though you try to put a barrier between the differences and the people, hoping for the 'best' that people won't notice them, people have eyes, ears and most importantly, they have a brain. Sooner or later, they will see, hear and think, and they will realise that we are different after all. So, instead of trying to make us become 'colour blind', why not be 'colour conscious', but in a positive way where you embrace, accept and acknowledge the differences as something that makes us human, makes our culture rich and diverse and gives us our priceless identities.
Just for additional information: the 'embracing our differences' was established in Florida. Compared to the United States, a massive melting pot containing people from all around the world, Malaysia has way less diversity. Still, in a huge country like USA, most of them managed to overcome their differences and work their way to the success of the country. And personally, I think they have got it right, better than what we have done until now. Let's look at the 'One Malaysia' concept - again, it seems to lean more towards forgetting than embracing. I'm not saying that it's wholly unusable, but in a long term plan, maybe we should go for 'Malaysians - Our Diversity is Our Unity' and start to appreciate what we have instead of trying to stereotype Malaysians into just Malaysians.
Perhaps it's time to change our perception of differences in colours and such, for they are important in defining our identities as different people around the world. Instead, we should work on acknowledging it in a way that does not hurt or discriminate people, but portray the uniqueness of each and every one of us.
Finally, just to share a meaningful quote from Mahatma Gandhi:
"You must be the change you wish to see in the world"
So, my friends, if you agree with me, start by changing yourselves =D
I've always thought that the concept they were propagating - "Forget our Differences" is a good way to narrow the gaps between the different races in Malaysia, for if we were really 'colour blind', we won't see a person as a Chinese, Malay or Indian, but we would see each other as Malaysians.
Until I came across this site ---
http://www.embracingourdifferences.org/
Come to think of it, the idea of embracing our differences makes more sense than to forget our differences. For me, to embrace means to accept our differences as something unavoidable, but we do not just tolerate the differences, we EMBRACE it and we perceive it as normal, that no two humans are identical, and realise the fact that we are not the only race, only group of humans or only type of people to live on this earth, but there are millions and millions of others who share some characteristics and differ from us in certain ways. And this, to me, is a miracle bestowed by nature, for all of us mankind are categorised as humans, as homo sapiens. Still, like how cats, dogs, hamsters, rabbits and more have different breeds, how computers and mobile phones have different models, how a delicious serving of curry can have such diverse flavours that stimulate our taste buds to the maximum, this is how we HUMANS have different types - many cultures, races, colours, lifestyles, habits, nationalities and so on.
I do care if you are black, white, yellow, red or even gray for that matter. I do look at you as Malays, Chinese and Indians. I do know that as people of different races, there are things which one can or cannot do.
What I don't do is deliberately manipulate the factors above to my own benefit. I don't use it as a weapon to hurt, to attack others. I don't highlight the differences as something bad, something people must avoid from mentioning because they are something sensitive.
And what I do, is to acknowledge that every one of us are special in our own ways, and as individuals, we should not forget that everyone is different from one another. And when I want to highlight the differences between people, I try to appreciate and show the diversity that exists as a part of our history and tradition, that makes us humans, and not robots who are identical to each other.
Let's say we literally follow the "Colour blind" concept a.k.a "Forget our differences" concept. What would happen is, we will be less considerate to the differences that exist between us, and when we are colour blind, we might become more shallow, seeing people as what we want them to be, instead of what they really are. We might forget that certain people cannot do what we do every day, certain people can't eat what we eat, certain people can't say things we say. And when we start to forget, we might cease to respect the differences that we have from each other. And when we stop respecting, conflicts and arguments occur, and this means the beginning of a breakdown of the peace we have fought so hard to maintain.
Maybe this concept is usable to a certain extent - if and only if the nation has only one kind of citizens with different colours, for the only difference that exist is only colours and nothing else.
BUT, in the Malaysian context, where there are so many differences between the citizens, not just race, but also background, status, culture, religion and more, forgetting our differences seems less applicable when compared to embracing our differences.
To my fellow Malaysians - a fine example of the 'forget our differences' propaganda would be in any of our assignments or essays or other works, where a sentence close to 'do not touch on sensitive issues such as race, religion or governmental policies' will be stated at the end of the instructions. Before anything, let me explain an analogy - remember a joke about ostriches? When they see a threat or something they do not like, they bury their heads into the sand and think that everything's fine. This is exactly what we are doing now - not allowing people to address the differences, instead demanding that people keep quiet. Let me put forward another analogy - if an alarm rings, and you cover your ears with a headphones and pretend that you hear nothing, you might forget that the people around you can still hear the bell. Read between the lines --- ISA for instance.
What I'm trying to say is, even though you try to put a barrier between the differences and the people, hoping for the 'best' that people won't notice them, people have eyes, ears and most importantly, they have a brain. Sooner or later, they will see, hear and think, and they will realise that we are different after all. So, instead of trying to make us become 'colour blind', why not be 'colour conscious', but in a positive way where you embrace, accept and acknowledge the differences as something that makes us human, makes our culture rich and diverse and gives us our priceless identities.
Just for additional information: the 'embracing our differences' was established in Florida. Compared to the United States, a massive melting pot containing people from all around the world, Malaysia has way less diversity. Still, in a huge country like USA, most of them managed to overcome their differences and work their way to the success of the country. And personally, I think they have got it right, better than what we have done until now. Let's look at the 'One Malaysia' concept - again, it seems to lean more towards forgetting than embracing. I'm not saying that it's wholly unusable, but in a long term plan, maybe we should go for 'Malaysians - Our Diversity is Our Unity' and start to appreciate what we have instead of trying to stereotype Malaysians into just Malaysians.
Perhaps it's time to change our perception of differences in colours and such, for they are important in defining our identities as different people around the world. Instead, we should work on acknowledging it in a way that does not hurt or discriminate people, but portray the uniqueness of each and every one of us.
Finally, just to share a meaningful quote from Mahatma Gandhi:
"You must be the change you wish to see in the world"
So, my friends, if you agree with me, start by changing yourselves =D
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Calling
Abruptly, my body tensed, and my knuckles gripped the book I was reading so tightly that they turned white. It was as though time froze for a few seconds, which in turn seemed like eternity. Not even daring to breathe in case everything turned out to be a dream, I closed my eyes and listened again for the telltale sound which would mean that you have come, to me.
The hair on my neck prickled, I shivered despite my thick, woolen clothes and sat in my chair as still and straight as a rod. Every fiber in my being comes on full alert when you silently appeared behind me. Even without turning back, I could sense your presence immediately, for the atmosphere in the room took a dangerous, enticing air when you are around.
Slowly and deliberately, I put down my book, stood up and met your gaze. Without saying anything, I could understand you fully through looking into your dark, beautiful eyes. The depth of the swirling, raging emotions I saw there almost made my legs buckle underneath me, not because I fear them, but because I felt my own emotions rising to mirror yours.
There you stood, strong and tall as a warrior, clad in a long, black cloak which nevertheless could not shadow the burning want and desire etched clearly on your handsome face. The unspoken messages in your eyes made me shiver in anticipation and uncertainty despite myself.
I raised my hand timidly to touch your face, but being afraid of spoiling the moment, dropped my hand before it was halfway there. I wanted nothing else but to bury myself in your arms and pour out all my feelings for you after being separated from you for so long, but your unerring gaze made my stay where I was.
Time stood still, with neither of us moving an inch. I searched your face for answers, but got none other than the knowledge that you have suffered much physical hardship, while I suffered equal torment waiting for you. A longing stirred in me, and I took a step closer to you.
With a blink, I found myself in your embrace, my face buried in the warmth of your shoulders like how I wanted. At that moment, I knew that I wouldn't care nor mind, if the end of the earth arrived, or if time stopped forever. The sensation of having you close to me, near enough to touch and feel is more than enough.
The music from the clock that signified the arrival of dawn startled both of us. I wanted to scream, cry and die at the same time when I realised what was happening. Until now, I could still feel your gentle hand on my face, wiping away my tears.
"I'm yours, forever and always," were the last words I heard before you disappeared once again.
~*~*~
I sat in my living room, reading a book as always, though it was a different book than the one I read when I last met you. I'm gradually adjusting towards my life without you, but the pain of losing you never stopped gnawing at my heart. Every familiar object, scenery, smell or sight that reminds me of you makes my heart ache like it's going to break into a million pieces. I still remember the warmth of your lips upon mine, the firmness yet gentleness of your touch, and most of all, your dark, enchanting eyes that tell a thousand and one different stories.
The glass of water on the reading table seemed innocent enough, clear as crystal, never betraying the deadly poison it carries. Suddenly, a strong, freezing gust of wind blew into the room, knocking over the candlestick on the table, which in turn pushed the glass over the table, shattering it like how my heart was shattered. I paid no attention to the glass, nor the bleeding cuts on my hands from it, for there you were, in the doorway, looking just like how I remembered you.
"It's not time yet...don't give up so easily on life," you, or rather your apparition said, with a look so sorrowful that it tore at my battered soul. In an instant, the wind stopped, and you disappeared once again.
Then, I broke down and wept. Wept for all that was, and all that might be, if only you were here with me...
The hair on my neck prickled, I shivered despite my thick, woolen clothes and sat in my chair as still and straight as a rod. Every fiber in my being comes on full alert when you silently appeared behind me. Even without turning back, I could sense your presence immediately, for the atmosphere in the room took a dangerous, enticing air when you are around.
Slowly and deliberately, I put down my book, stood up and met your gaze. Without saying anything, I could understand you fully through looking into your dark, beautiful eyes. The depth of the swirling, raging emotions I saw there almost made my legs buckle underneath me, not because I fear them, but because I felt my own emotions rising to mirror yours.
There you stood, strong and tall as a warrior, clad in a long, black cloak which nevertheless could not shadow the burning want and desire etched clearly on your handsome face. The unspoken messages in your eyes made me shiver in anticipation and uncertainty despite myself.
I raised my hand timidly to touch your face, but being afraid of spoiling the moment, dropped my hand before it was halfway there. I wanted nothing else but to bury myself in your arms and pour out all my feelings for you after being separated from you for so long, but your unerring gaze made my stay where I was.
Time stood still, with neither of us moving an inch. I searched your face for answers, but got none other than the knowledge that you have suffered much physical hardship, while I suffered equal torment waiting for you. A longing stirred in me, and I took a step closer to you.
With a blink, I found myself in your embrace, my face buried in the warmth of your shoulders like how I wanted. At that moment, I knew that I wouldn't care nor mind, if the end of the earth arrived, or if time stopped forever. The sensation of having you close to me, near enough to touch and feel is more than enough.
The music from the clock that signified the arrival of dawn startled both of us. I wanted to scream, cry and die at the same time when I realised what was happening. Until now, I could still feel your gentle hand on my face, wiping away my tears.
"I'm yours, forever and always," were the last words I heard before you disappeared once again.
~*~*~
I sat in my living room, reading a book as always, though it was a different book than the one I read when I last met you. I'm gradually adjusting towards my life without you, but the pain of losing you never stopped gnawing at my heart. Every familiar object, scenery, smell or sight that reminds me of you makes my heart ache like it's going to break into a million pieces. I still remember the warmth of your lips upon mine, the firmness yet gentleness of your touch, and most of all, your dark, enchanting eyes that tell a thousand and one different stories.
The glass of water on the reading table seemed innocent enough, clear as crystal, never betraying the deadly poison it carries. Suddenly, a strong, freezing gust of wind blew into the room, knocking over the candlestick on the table, which in turn pushed the glass over the table, shattering it like how my heart was shattered. I paid no attention to the glass, nor the bleeding cuts on my hands from it, for there you were, in the doorway, looking just like how I remembered you.
"It's not time yet...don't give up so easily on life," you, or rather your apparition said, with a look so sorrowful that it tore at my battered soul. In an instant, the wind stopped, and you disappeared once again.
Then, I broke down and wept. Wept for all that was, and all that might be, if only you were here with me...
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